Saying goodbye to a friend.

At night I walk 

through nearby 

neighborhoods.

I look at 

peoples houses 

and imagine 

what their lives are like.

I think,

maybe now,

you’re looking around like me.

And maybe it all 

makes sense 

to you somehow.

Or maybe 

it always did,

I just wouldn’t know.

Maybe you 

were a lot like me

And you believed 

that some things 

are meant to be.  

Just maybe 

we were 

meant to meet.

And we will again

in some capacity

in some new life.  

Until then,

I will think of you

When I:

smile in the sunshine

think about the passing of time

play my song

and hear eclectic music.

On another note

I’m so sorry 

that you 

must’ve felt so alone

I really hope

That you don’t 

now.

I think I 

know in my heart

that you don’t. 

Every night, before bed
I lay down and say my “thank you’s”
To God and the Earth and the universe
I know, they’re all the same.

Sometimes, stress...
It really gets to me
And the only cure for it
Is to remember that
I am blessed and a blessing...
I am forgiven for earned forgiveness
I learn and relearn all the time
I mess up and then I get up
Cause I don’t want to be hardened by life.

Sometimes I daydream of a split
Between my body and my spirit
And in the separation I reflect
On the life of this personality
And the self that I get to learn from and be
It’s kind of comforting.
In that knowledge
I find peace and confidence.

I really like Kristina
I like having the opportunity to be her
So I guess, tonight I will say thank you
To God and the Earth and the universe
For letting me learn from this life.

A familiar face.

I looked in the mirror today

And for a split second

I thought I saw a familiar face

I wonder if anyone else 

has done that 

I lifted my eyebrows

And faked a smile

A few times 

But I couldn't seem 

To recreate her again

My eyes are curious, but tired...

Not hers

Hers are hungry

And happy

And hopeful 

She was certainly familiar

I knew her well

So well

it seems

That the familiar face 

Was actually just me

Back when I was just 20

It's funny how that happens.

Someday I want to wake up.

Someday I want to wake up
Look at myself in the mirror
And say,
"You did it."

Is that so much to ask for?

"You chose someone,
Oh and for life you loved that someone,
Fully.
And you did a good job."

"Life gave to you,
So you appreciated, acknowledged and felt it,
Fully.
And you gave it to others."

"You wanted something,
Then you worked to earn that something,
Fully.
And that's why you got it."

"You did it."
"You did it all right."

Is that so much to want for myself?!

We are not so different, you and I. A poem about trust.

We are not so different, you and I

I have also struggled with compromise

And loss and love and life

Neither of us is perfect (that's no surprise)

But I don't wanna stop caring

We are not so different, you and I

Maybe that's what I need to realize

I question your integrity all the time (I don't know why)

Is there something here or am I blind?

I just don't wanna stop caring

So I guess I ought to give you the benefit of the doubt

Even if it is only because I would give it to myself

This is where I am today.

Some nights I get overwhelmed with the majority.

With their ignorance and their jealousy.
With their lack of sight and their self-loathing.
With their anger and their impatience.
With their lack of compassion and their selfishness.
With their blind hatred and feelings of entitlement.

So I ask myself over and over and over again,

How will I be different?
How will I inspire compassion?
How will I practice gratitude?
How will my presence and my being leave the people in my life happier?

How can I inspire?

By writing a music blog? Maybe that's part of it.  By holding a door for someone behind me?  Maybe.  By writing songs?  Maybe.  By  working hard?  Maybe.

Maybe just by appreciating the divinity of life...

And remembering how fucking cool it is to be in a body that is fully functional.  A body that is fully mine.  With hands for lifting, feet for standing and a heart for loving.

Maybe it's just the little things.  Maybe it's just speaking a few words.

"I am really glad that you're alive."
"I will listen, if you ever need to get something off of your chest."
"I would like to know you."
"I would like to be your friend."
"I believe in you."
"I support you."

..."I care about you."

This is where I am today.

Someone out there (the things I can't stand)

I will draw myself on paper 

Over and over again

Until I like what I see 

Or until I can appreciate it more  

Someone out there 

Likes my nose 

And my eyes 

And the things I can't stand  

I bet you never guessed that.  

I bet I never guessed that.

A little nose and big eyes 

The things I'm learning 

That I should like 

About myself and my time here  

An odd culmination of my parents 

and their parents,  

of them but not them 

A thing that makes me both happy and sad  

But someone out there 

Likes my nose 

And my eyes 

And the things I can't stand  

I bet you never guessed that.

I bet I never guessed that.

This is where I currently dwell... 

With my eyes and my nose 

And the things that I cant stand 

So I think I will like them more  

Well I will try for that someone.  

And that will be that.